Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize