1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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