Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize