You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
last night I used snow as a chaser
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
