With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize