Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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