He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
