If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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