so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
