You can't motorboat a personality
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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