you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
