I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
