Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
