walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
