so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
