i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
