Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im part way to drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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