She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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