How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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