u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
