New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
