I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
