I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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