walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
