Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I touched a dick in church today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
