I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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