i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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