and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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