I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
