my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
