Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
