I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
