remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize