she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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