Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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