they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
