will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
