I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize