I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
