im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
