i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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