i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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