i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
