Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
