I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So squirting runs in the family.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
