I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
