You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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