Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
