Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
