I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
