so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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