You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
