Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
