chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize