this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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