O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
