Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're like the curious george of whores
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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