the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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