There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize