Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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