Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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