Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
