I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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