I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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