she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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