i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
