3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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