My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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