It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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