My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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